Loss and Sorrow

I am sorry for the lack of blogging recently; I have been pondering whether or not I should share our recent loss with you all. In the end I have decided to write down the story, hoping that it will be somewhat cathartic and will bring us some peace. Most of you know that Ari and I have been trying to have a baby for over 2 years now. We have had all the work-up and seen the specialists and nothing has worked. In the midst of starting to seriously consider procedures we thought we would never have to worry about and looking at adoption, in a month without any treatment I found out I was pregnant. You can only imagine how excited we were. I told Ari and 5 a.m. and he jumped out of bed and was so excited that he couldn't go back to sleep. We told our families who where of course thrilled that we would be bringing the first grandchild into the world, on both sides. Kristen started getting her knitting needles warmed up. Amidst all the excitement I was working hard on the wards and suffering from morning sickness; which I joked that I had been waiting two years to experience. Then without even getting to my first prenatal appointment, I had a miscarriage. Despite the grief I have experienced losing loved ones before, this was undoubtedly the worst experience of my life. I have never felt so helpless. So together Ari and I have cried and grieved for the little one we so desperately wanted to bring into the world. We thank everyone for the love and support. Two weeks have now passed and we know that our hearts will hurt less each passing day but we will never forget the blessing that was just not meant to be.